I wrote and vlogged about marathon writing.
by Janice Seagraves
Hi, I’m Janice Seagraves. Today, we’re talking about writing dialogue.
I understand how frustrating it can be to revise one’s own work. I’ve been there myself and I’m doing it now.
For dialogue tags, I turn to Shrunk and White. Place he/she or name first: it’s he said or Mike said.
If you’re writing a question the same rule applies: he asked, Mike asked.
Never substitute said for asked.
If you have a question mark and it’s clear who doing the asking, then you don’t really need the ‘asked.’ In fact, if it’s clear who is speaking, then you don’t need a dialogue tag at all.
Example: Lynda turned on the light and looked at Mike. “What’s this about?”
And be careful that you don’t over edit your manuscript, which can lead to dropped words.
You’ll find “Editor do not use word lists” However, if you’re overzealous with deleting these words you can also have an issue with dropped words. I’m not saying to ignore these lists, but maybe take them with a grain of salt. Editors only have issues with these words if you overuse them.
Its clarity—that’s key to a good strong manuscript and a lot of this has to do with how it sounds.
Our ears catch a lot more than our eyes do.
Here’s a helpful hint: Read your manuscript out loud or better yet have someone read your manuscript to you.
Something else to try is one of those text to speak programs. A friend suggested one and I found it useful.
Where can you find inspiration for realistic dialogue?
Here’s examples I wrote myself by keeping my eyes and ears open. Mostly I observed mothers and their children just a few days before the holidays and the mothers seemed tired and the children antsy.
- At a store in town, a little girl about seven, stood in the front window display with her back to the glass. The front door was opened by a little boy no older than five. “Cindy, Cindy?” He looked around and went back inside.
When I entered the store, the little girl peeked at me from between the manikins with an impish grin.
“There you are,” said the little boy. The two children giggled and chase each other around the clothing racks.
“Ma’am,” called out the eighteen-year-old clerk. “Can you please tell your children that this isn’t a playground?” She sighed and shook her head, as if she’d been saying this all day.
A dark headed woman looked up long enough to say something in a sharp tone in Spanish to the two children, before returning to the clothes she was looking through. The kids skidded to a stop, their shoes squeaking, and ducked their heads.
- At Wal-Mart, a woman reached for her baby that her older child held. “Here, give him to me. There’s people trying to walk here.” The woman frowned, and her voiced had a hard edge.
- At Panda Express, a tired woman leaned toward the clerk over the glass display. “I want the chow mien with honey walnut shrimp, and for my son I want…”
Her son, who looked eight, stood behind her. He poked her in the butt with his spider man doll and laughed.
As her face turned red, the woman turned and swatted at him. “Stop that. We’re in public.”
Now, if you prefer dialogue that pops, I suggest doing some research. Watch those old 1930 and 40’s films that had snappy dialogue. I suggest anything with Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, Claudette Colbert, and William Powell.
- Ball of Fire (1941)
- Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
- Libeled Lady (1936)
- Holiday (1938)
- Twentieth Century (1934)
- The Thin Man (1934)
- To Be or Not to Be (1942)
- The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek (1943)
- The Philadelphia Story (1940)
- Topper (1937)
Thank you for dropping by. Please like and subscribe and I’ll do another vlog next week. 🙂
By Janice Seagraves
Hi, I’m Janice Seagraves a writer and a proud Daydreamer.
I wrote this a while back. After I was triggered by a memory about one of my grade school teachers. She caught me daydreaming while I sat gazing out the window. She got in my face and shouted, “No daydreamer has ever gotten anywhere!”
Now that I am older, I beg to differ. If this woman was still alive today, I would like to ask her why? Why did she feel it necessary to crush a young girl’s spirit?
Crush and embarrassed—I was, but it didn’t stop me. I am to this day a daydreamer.
If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be an artist or a writer. I proudly proclaim myself to be a stubborn daydreamer.
As a child, I watched too much TV. I can only blame Gilligan’s Island reruns and as a grown up becoming addicted to the Survivors show which led me into the what if’s that inspired my writing.
What if a person could survive alone on a deserted island, and found another person washed up on shore? What if they fell in love?
My what if’s turned into daydreams then led me to write a manuscript called Windswept Shores, which became my first published book.
My Daydreams helped create it, the rest was hard work. I kept my butt firmly planted in my chair keep my fingers moving.
Here are 8 more daydreamers:
- A daydreamer went on vacation in Spain and dreamed about the speed of light, his name was Albert Einstein.
- A daydreamer dreamed about perfecting the bulb, his name was Thomas Edison.
- A daydreamer dreamed the last movements of The Messiah oratorio, his name was Frederic Handel.
- A daydreamer dreamed about a mocking crow and wrote a poem. His name was Edger Allen Poe.
- Two brothers dreamed about flying, their names were Orville and Wilbur Wright.
- A daydreamer dreamed of being a kid again and floating down the mighty Mississippi on a raft. His name was Samuel Clemens aka Mark Twain.
- A bored socialite daydreamed of being in the South before and during the civil war, her name was Margaret Mitchell. And you may remember her big hit, Gone with the Wind.
- A Baptist minister went to Washington and gave a speech called “I have a Dream,” which prompted the 1964 Civil Rights Act. His name was Martin Luther King, Jr.
Where would we be without our daydreamers?
Are you a daydreamer? Leave a comment and let me know if you are.
It was my turn to post on Romance Books ‘4’ Us.
I wrote about conflict in writing.
I’m in this collection with my short story Cowgirls Don’t Cry which follows Cowgirl Up in an early anthology with Romance Books ‘4’ Us collection.
COWGIRLS DON’T CRY
(FOLLOWS COWGIRL UP)
While interviewing his client, Arthur Castel felt an urge to wrap things up. A shiver of awareness went through him, and his heart beat a little bit faster. Gwen is in the waiting room. He didn’t need to look to see if she was there, he knew it. The bond that had linked them the first night they slept together told him so.
As the client, Mr. Ortega, told him about the case, Arthur nodded, but his gaze kept darting toward the door. He jotted down some notes, even though his heart wasn’t in it. Anything to keep his mind off Gwen. This was his first case as a trial lawyer and he should have been excited. He studied the file and asked a couple more questions. “Okay. That seems to be all I need from you. If I have any more questions, I can call you at this number, right?”
“Yes, or my office number.” Mr. Ortega, a well-dressed middle-aged man with silver in his dark hair, slid a card across the desk.
Picking up the card, Arthur clipped it to the file. He stood and held out his hand. “Thank you for coming in.”
Mr. Ortega stood and clasped his palm. “Think you can get me off?”
“I’ll do my best. Sexual harassment lawsuits can be a little dicey, but this one seems to be more of a he said/she said situation.” Probably why he, the newbie, was saddled with this case. “I’ll do the best I can.”
“That’s all I can ask for.” Mr. Ortega went out the door.
Arthur placed a few folders he needed to go over into a briefcase and hurried out. His entire body pulsed at the sight of his fiancée.
Gwen sat in one of the comfortable chairs in the waiting room. She wore one of the dresses he had bought for her—low-cut, and dark. The dress was made for her. He caught a tantalizing glimpse of her creamy white breasts. All he wanted was to take her right there on the floor.
Gwen’s green eyed gaze went to Mr. Ortega. Her expression seemed troubled.
“Did milady miss me?” Arthur offered a hand.
“Always, darling.” Gwen took his palm and rose.
The shock of skin to skin contact ran through his body.
She picked up her old leather-fringed jacket.
Arthur helped her into it and sniffed her hair, getting a lungful of cherry blossom from her shampoo. “Your jacket does nothing for that sexy dress.”
She slipped her arms into the sleeves. “Sorry, but it’s all I have.”
He settled the coat on her shoulders. “I’ll have to buy you another one.”
“It never ends, does it?” Mr. Ortega shook his head before stepping through the doorway.
Gwen flipped her dark hair out of the coat and glowered after him. “Client of yours?”
“Yes. What are you feeling?”
“His disdain for women is like a throb in a bad tooth.”
A chill flowed up his spine. “What else?”
Gwen met his gaze. “Whatever he’s done, he’s guilty as hell.”
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Amazon preorder link:
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RAFFLECOPTER GIVEAWAY LINK:
Revisiting an Old Manuscript
By Janice Seagraves
Hi, this is Janice Seagraves. I’ve the author of nine books and six short stories.
I wrote lots of stories before I was ever published. A lot of those book-length manuscripts were what I learned on. When you first start out you have to write and write and write so you can learn. And I was no different.
Twin Heart is an early book-length manuscript that I had learned on but had never forgotten. The characters in it feel like old dear friends.
Feeling nostalgic one day, I pulled Twin Heart’s file out and started revising it. I’ve learned a lot over the ten years since I wrote the manuscript and though I should be able to fix it, no problem.
It was a mess!
Missing punctuations, run-on sentences, and drifting POVs. Just to name a few.
I have a lot of work to do if I’m ever going to get my dear old friend up to snuff.
The first two chapters weren’t so bad, but the further along I dug the worse it got. Some chapters read like filler and didn’t further the plot or add anything to the storyline. And there are thirty-two chapters in my manuscript.
And over 115,000 words. My manuscript can certainly use some trimming.
Things I’m looking out for as I revise my manuscript:
- Fix common mistakes: errors in punctuation, repeated words, drifting POVs.
- Do the sentences make sense?
- Are too many sentences started with a -ing word?
- Do the sentences use it as a subject of the sentence instead of a noun?
- Are words spelled right or an I using a wrong word choice?
- Break down run-on sentences into smaller sentences.
- Delete unnecessary words.
- Kill my darlings.
- Read the manuscript out loud.
Once I get the problems taken care of, I’ll have to write out the manuscript chapter by chapter as if I was writing a synopsis so I can figure out what can stay and what can go.
The delete button has already become my friend.
Now, why did I start this project again?
Oh, yeah, dear old friends that are the characters in the manuscript.
At least the bones of the story are good. I just have to delete, rewrite, and make stronger a bunch of the bad sentences to make the good shine through.
Have you ever dragged out an old manuscript with designs on fixing it?
My story Cowgirls Don’t Cry is in this anthology:
It was my turn to post on Romance Books ‘4’ Us.
I wrote about revising an old manuscript.
Please leave a comment on the link below.
Hi, I was just a guest on Fiona’s Blog: authorsinterviews.
Please stop by and leave a comment.
THE Right POV FOR YOUR STORY
By Janice Seagraves
Hi, I’m Janice Seagraves. Sorry I’ve been absent, but I’ve had a health crisis of sorts. After a week or nose bleeds and getting rushed to the hospital because I couldn’t stop the last one, I was told I have high blood pressure and must take meds from now on.
Now on to the point of this article: POV or Point of View means the eyes and ears of your story and it is important to pick the right POV for your story. You’re also showcasing that character’s feelings when something happens in any given scene.
Here’s a list of POVs and how they are used to help you decide on the right one for your story.
First Person POV: involves “I” and “me” in the story telling. You’re in the head of the protagonist only. What she or he see, hears, and feels is what is offered to you in the story telling. First person is used primarily by chick lit, urban fantasy, YA, and others. A lot of writers prefer this first-person narrative because you can really get into the head of your protagonist.
Second Person POV: used only rarely in which the point of view of a narrative work is told in the voice of the onlooker, which is you, the reader. For instance, the text would read, “You went to school that morning.” Is written as “you” see this, “you” hear that. Not my favorite POV. It feels clunky. I’ve seen this mostly for children’s lit. And the 1990’s pick your own ending novels.
Third Person POV: Can be told in two ways: Third person singular: which stay strictly with one person in each scene. Deep Third person: also stays strictly with one person but goes deeply into that person’s narrative almost as deep as first person. Is written with “she” or “he” sees this or hears that. It more universally accepted by publishers for fantasy, sci-fi, romance of any sub-genre, and many other genres.
Omnipotent POV or Narrator POV: This type of story telling is not used very much anymore except for children’s lit. It’s a type of floating narrative that was used primarily before 1980 or so. You can be in anyone’s head at any given moment or be floating above the action. It was used for a time in the early horror and gothic genres. But could be used in anything from romance to science fiction. I recently read an example of it in an early Anne McCaffrey novel. It’s loose, floating, and I find it confusing. Whose head are we in now? Who knows?
And add to that Omnipotent POV reads like head hopping and most editors frown on their writers using it.
What is the POV that I use? Deep third person POV. I find I can show case both the hero and heroine’s POV (in separate scenes of course) and tell the story well.
I hope this helps you in your own writing.
Please like and share and I’ll make another vlog next week.