Thursday’s thirteen, I had a little fun with:
THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
1. ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even our house cats.
The stockings were hung way away from the fire.
(What you want to see my house on fire?)
2. Our only daughter had staked out the living room,
In hopes of photographing Saint Nick.
4. And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
(Who the hell wears those things anymore?)
And my hubby had just passed out. And I worked on my edit on Windswept Shore, while visions of a best seller danced in my head.
5. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Away to the window I flew like a flash. (Oh Come on I amble over.)
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
(We have an old house it has sashes.)
The moon was hidden behind a thick veil of fog, frost glittered in the what little light came through the opened window.
When, what to my squinting eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer, and an emu
(Yes he’s back and Santa has him)
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
6. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Emu!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”
7. As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
(I think they just ruined my roof.)
8. As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the old stove pipe attached to my heater St. Nicholas came with a bound.
(Breaking and entering, tisk tisk.)
9. He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
(He tracked up my living room, darn the little jerk.)
10. A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
(I think Santa has taken up drinking.)
11. His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
(Making asthma act up, and I coughed and wheezed.)
12. He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
(Santa needs to go on a diet.)
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
(Too much caffeine huh?)
Too much cappachino he told me.
13. And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
and bumped his head into my ceiling. (He forgot I don’t have a chimney.)
He staggered out to his sleigh, (after I opened the door) to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”