May | 2008 | Janice Seagraves, Author

For my Thursday thriteen this week I thought I ask “Why do we say that?”

Why do we say becareful after someone trips? It seems a little late to me, I’ve already tripped why do I need to be careful now?
Why do we call a tooth brush a tooth brush not a teeth brush? I for one have more than one tooth.
Why do we say pair of pants when there is only one? I understand it’s because there are two pair of legs there but I only have one butt.
Why is it so great to eat like a bird when you go out to eat? I know a few young men who want their dates to eat the darn food that they just paid for.
And speaking of young men, my neighew called me dude. The last time I looked I was neither male nor a dude.
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Are Clones people two?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Doesn’t ‘expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
What if we told our kids go ahead and take risks….just make sure that everything turns out Okay?
How come you don’t ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?

Super mom
By Janice Seagraves

Last night I dreamed I was super mom; able to out run a runaway car that someone forgot to set the brakes, able to leap a tall building to get to the kid on the other side that was heading into oncoming traffic. Faster than a speeding bullet as I recued; children that fell down wells, kittens from trees and puppies from drains, or was it the other way around? No matter. I’m super mom.

I could use my super minty fresh breath to cool down over heated kids or food. I could see through clothes to the unclean undies underneath. I could spot a dirty set of ears from a mile away. Just the smell of my homemade chicken soup could cure anyone of any illness. I’m super mom.

I stopped the bad guys by spraying oven cleaner in their eyes. But there was no lasting harm, because I used the new environmentally safe oven cleaner which I invented because I’m super mom! (The proceeds of which went to starving children in third world countries.)

I wore goggles and dish washing gloves to protect my identity. My clothes were environmentally friendly and my colors were red, white and blue, because super mom was kind to the environment and patriotic too.

I didn’t wear an apron because super mom wasn’t tied to the kitchen.

I kept my husband happy and took care of our children; all seven of them with red hair like me, (which is odd because I only have one child and I’m not a natural red head). I also had a career and saved people I didn’t know, because I can do it all, I’m super mom!

Then of course I woke up.